


Ask Me No Questions, I'll Tell You No Lies

by Koren M (CyberMathWitch)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Interviews
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-16
Updated: 2013-01-16
Packaged: 2017-11-25 16:54:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/641073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyberMathWitch/pseuds/Koren%20M
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine, if you will, the press conferences and news stories and magazine and blog articles that must have followed the Battle of New York.  (Almost) everyone - well no, not everyone, mostly Clint and Natasha - get their 15 minutes of fame, including that Random Science-Geeky Guy from SHIELD's armory R&D.  (Well, maybe he only gets five minutes...)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ask Me No Questions, I'll Tell You No Lies

**Author's Note:**

> During NaNoWriMo, one thing I resorted to in a fit of "ohgodohgod I need to make my wordcount and what is this even?!" was asking my friends and ~~enablers~~ family for interview questions to put to the Avengers, because why not? (This is actually a wonderful tactic for generating words and shaking things loose.)
> 
> This is the result. Many thanks to my various "Interviewers".

**Interviewer:** Steve, why did you know that you could trust the Black Widow's assessment of whether or not Hawkeye would be fit to take on Loki? What did you realize about her (and extension about him)?

**Steve:** It was kind of obvious, from the very beginning, what her priority was. There was a look on her face, when Fury talked about what happened, and I caught her looking at the personnel files. You know, if you've been to war, what that looks like. 

As for why I could trust her... call it a gut instinct? Fury trusted her, too, but mostly just a feeling. I had an idea from the comm chatter what had happened between the two of them on the carrier, and I knew she'd been the one to take him down, so I figured if she was willing to vouch for him, she'd also be able to take care of him if she was wrong. 

I know what it feels like to be willing to do whatever you have to do to protect the people who are important to you. I saw... I think I saw something like that in her. I still don't know much about Barton, but I figure if he's inspired that in someone like Agent Romanov, it says good things about him. He certainly pulled it together when we needed him to.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

**Interviewer:** Clint, tell me this: Why archery? Isn't it a little... arcane? And how are you with a firearm, really?

 **Clint:** Hey, it's still around for a reason! Seriously though, there are several reasons. For one thing, I grew up with it, it was my first weapon, and there's rhythm and a feel to it that I understand in ways I can't describe. For another, people tend to underestimate you if you've got a bow instead of a gun, never mind what the English longbows were able to do to the French armor at the battle of Agincourt. Besides, all I can do with a gun is scare, maim, or kill someone. With a bow I can do anything from deliver a payload to patch into a computer with a USB key. Ultimate flexibility.

That said, the last time I missed my target with a firearm I was probably around 13?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

**Interviewer:** Natasha, what does it mean to be Russian? And tell me about the hardest mission you've ever completed.

 **Natasha:** Being Russian is... complicated. It effects how other people see me much more than how I see myself. I'm as much and as little Russian as I am anything else, that's how we were trained. We had to be just as capable of being French, or German, or American, or Dutch. 

As for my hardest mission? That's a tricky question. Most physically demanding, most intellectually demanding, or most emotionally fraught? Those have different answers.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

**Interviewer:** Random science-geeky guy in the armory, what's it like to make arrows for Clint? Do you work with him to come up with design ideas? And what's next? Inquiring minds want to know!

 **[Name Redacted]:** Dude, I just try to keep up, you know? Him and that partner of his? They have some seriously crazy ideas sometimes. But they always know exactly what they want, and exactly how they want it. It makes it easier and harder to work with them - easier, because it's not like with some agents ::coughcoughSitwellcoughcough:: who come in after reading some sci-fi BS and want us to invent some kind of mega-tech or something. It's harder, because they're demanding, and we've only got so much time and resources to work with, you know? They don't give us any wiggle room to really improvise.

I have no idea what's next - last I heard they were moving a lot of their R&D over to Stark Industries and going private. But that's just the rumor mill going, so who knows, ya know?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

**Interviewer:** Natasha, have you ever wanted to be anything besides an assassin? Is there a job that looked so cool that it tried to override your training?

 **Natasha:** Before... no. There were no other jobs. And there was no "like" or "dislike" or "would rather do". Now... this is too much a part of who I am. It's not a job, that's too simple. There are things I sometimes wish I could have done, but not in any substantial way.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

**Interviewer:** Hey Thor - what is your favorite earth food?

 **Thor:** I am quite fond of coffee, as well as many varities of Pop-Tart. Lady Darcy has promised to introduce me to something called S'mores in their original form on my next visit, since I like that flavor of Pop-Tart particularly.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

**Interviewer:** And Tony, come on, be honest. How many times a day to you chech out Natasha's ass? And Natasha what do you do when you catch him at it?

 **Tony:** As often as I can get away with it. Which is pretty frequently, come to think of it. Why _do_ you let me get away with that, anyway?

**Natasha:** (sweetly) Wouldn't you like to know?

**Tony:** Now that's... kind of terrifying, really.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

**Interviewer:** What do both of you generally eat for breakfast when you're off duty?

 **Natasha:** I'm not sure we're ever really "off duty". If you mean not on a mission, when we're on base at SHIELD I usually have toast and some fruit with eggs and coffee. Clint eats that g-d-awful rainbow sugar mess.

**Clint:** Hey! 

**Natasha:** Well, you do. 

**Clint:** I eat eggs and sausage, too!

**Natasha:** True. When we're not on base, it really depends on what's available.

**Clint:** She likes waffles. Real ones, the big, Belgian kind, with various toppings depending on her mood. She thinks she likes croissants, but she normally ends up demolishing them rather than really eating them.

**Natasha:** He likes hash browns and orange juice. But we usually eat whatever's most easily available.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

**Interviewer:** Hey Natasha! Dish darling! Is Clint a good kisser? What oddball but endearingly cute things does he do during that post-coital snuggle? Does he snore? I bet he snores ...

 **Natasha:** As an archer and an assassin (never mind as a spy) he relies on a combination of skill, precision, patience, and impeccable timing. I'll let you draw your own conclusions about his skill with kissing (or anything else bedroom-related) from that.

As to his snuggling habits and whether or not he snores - we are neither one of us terribly cuddly people, and yes, he does.

_(Omniscient Author's Note: She is entirely lying to you. Well, not about the kissing. Yeah, and whoa damn can that man kiss. But about the rest. Although to be fair, they don't so much "snuggle" as "cling" by which I mean they hold onto one another rather fiercely. And he doesn't snore, he learned a LONG time ago to be entirely silent when he sleeps.)_


End file.
